This post is a little different than what I normally do. As some of you may know (from my fall bucket list post), my long distance boyfriend and I broke up. I won’t go into too much detail about the breakup, but long story short, he wasn’t willing to put in the effort needed to keep the relationship alive and I was done waiting around for him to come to his senses. We ended up taking a “break” for a week to gather our thoughts before we “officially” broke up. I wanted to do this post not to talk crap about him, but rather offer some insight on how I got through my breakup with hope that I can help one of you if you are going through something similar.
I first want to start off my saying I don’t believe in breaks in relationships. Yes, space is totally okay and I encourage it if a guy needs time to think or cool off from an argument. But when my ex mentioned he thought we should take a break for a week to decide what we want, that was a huge red flag for me. I asked myself, “why would I want to be with a guy who is not willing to work out our problems and who would rather run from them?” Not to mention in the past I have used the term ‘break’ to break up with someone in order to let them down easy. Saying that, the whole idea of a break was very uneasy to me and I legitimately thought of it as a break up. One thing I have to tell you if you are going through the same thing, is to never blame yourself if a guy starts to stop putting in effort. I have realized that the heart wants what the heart wants and if it is meant to be, it will. As hard as it is to comprehend, people do lose interest and it is better to end things and move on. I will admit, I have been that girl in a past relationship who begged for the guy to stay with me and made a complete fool out of myself. However, you don’t have to regret begging for a guy back, you just have to learn from it. Just think about it, do you really want to be with a guy that you have to convince? So back to the point of this post (scattered, I know), below I came up with a couple pieces of advice I have learned from my 21 years that might just help you get over your heartbreak:
Cry it out, it’s okay!
Crying is your body’s natural way of responding to sadness/anger so don’t be afraid to let it all out. When my ex and I broke up I bawled like a little baby. I cried to my parents, I cried to my housemates, I cried in the shower, I cried in my bed… I let it ALL out and it felt GREAT! I honestly believe you just need to get it all out. Now, even though it’s only been two weeks, I don’t think it is physically possible for me to cry about him any longer.
Confide in people
You may be one of those people who can handle situations like this on your own (I applaud you if you can), but don’t be afraid to vent and confide in your friends, family, or counselor! Talking to people helps you gather your thoughts and put words to your emotions. I am the type of person who needs to talk about my feelings or I will explode/have a mental breakdown… whichever comes first.
Get outside, enjoy the sun! Go on a hike with friends, treat yourself to dinner, do some retail therapy (I highly recommend), or anything that makes your happy and gets your mind off the sadness. Two days after my breakup, it was a beautiful day in Portland and I was tagging along with my housemates to the mall and the windows were down and music was blasting and I remember thinking I am really happy right now. You HAVE to put yourself in your favorite element and surround yourself with positivity in order to feel better again.
Write a letter
If you feel like you didn’t get a chance to say everything you wanted to, write it out. I love writing letters after breakups because they are the perfect way to get all your thoughts on paper and get some closure. You don’t even have to send it. I wrote a letter and then when we talked a week after our ‘break’ confirming that we were going to break up (not sure why we had to wait a week to do that…), I was able to articulate my thoughts!
No, I’m not encouraging you to diet and exercise like a mad woman to get that “revenge body” that we’ve all heard about to make him jealous. I’m talking about getting your endorphins going and letting out some of your built up stress. I have always turned to exercise when I am going through a tough time and that is 10x better than some of the things people use to cope with. Make a playlist with your favorite songs and go for a run, go to the gym and sign up for a kickboxing class (and yes, I recommend pretending his face is the punching bag)…just get active because I guarantee you’ll feel better after!
I honestly hate reading about how all you need is time when it comes to a breakup because it is SO CLICHE but SO TRUE. When I was confiding in my friends they kept saying you just need time, Olivia! Meanwhile, I was over here thinking, “but when will I feel better? How long will it take?!” I have had two big breakups now and I have to admit, time heels everything. Sometimes it takes longer, but eventually you will get to your happy place again. You just need to make sure you are being healthy and surrounding yourself with positivity.
This post was so unbelievably scattered, but I just hope I helped someone out there who is going through a tough breakup. If you need any advice whatsoever, please don’t hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I promise I will respond! Thank you for checking out my blog and I hope you all have a wonderful day!